They say to me “I am sorry but I am really bad at conversations like this”, or sometimes they quite simply forget the moment that changed my life forever. I cannot hold it against them how can I? I am so painfully grateful they have not experienced all that I have. They do not have the tools to speak about it, and are often clumsy with my heart. I don’t talk about my grief to most people my own age. It is hard when my housemates get calls from their mums, and they start saying that they should actually call their mum, really. I want to add a positive spin, but I dont think that is necessary for this truth. It is hard to crawl into bed and be awake at night with all the things I want to tell her. I want to be honest and tell you that it is hard not being able to call mum and tell her about my day. For me, that is symbolic of the grief I carry with me. That’s how I feel about university life. To everyone else, I am a normal person being pulled in all directions by the beginning of university, yet I am trying my hardest to push against the wind, in a direction it doesn’t want me to go.
There is a very funny video of me trying my hardest to progress forward against the winds jealous wrath. I pulled myself up with a laugh and tried to carry on. It shoved me off course, made me topple onto the floor. Yesterday, I was roller skating against the wind. My life follows a pattern which is so similar to those around me, yet I feel completely opposite. My Winter Life is preparing me slowly for a life of reading, writing, seminars, lectures.
#Vast winter in my heart full#
In my Winter Life, I live in a house that is a compilation of noise, laughter and music, on a street full of students and parties. I am not bowled over by it, I am not stressed about it, I am simply shaken by it. Today is one of the days where I kneel humbled by my grief. Sometimes I am shocked that the eyes I stare out of now saw my mother’s last breath, witnessed betrayal, and blinked into new days without knowing what was around the corner. Sometimes it strikes me how much has truly happened to us, and the depth of all that my sister and I have been through. What you are going through shall pass, and in comparison to the passing on of life the pain is not so vast and empty. When people cry about the trials of life I want to hug them and share my secret. We have been burdened with the truth of life and death, and it is a huge burden to carry.
I smiled often and felt like an extraordinarily ordinary person.Ī few months ago, I remember Katie turning to me once saying “it worries me that we might never feel like normal people”. It is sure to lift your mood.I stayed in my city over summer and I got comfortable here with my life in the sun. We’ve enlisted famous songs that have ‘heart’ in their titles. So, if your love is in blooming phase, or if you’re going through a dull phase, check the list below. That’s where we got the idea to present you a playlist with all the ‘heart’ songs in it. Valentines Day is just around the corner, so what can be a better treat by us for our readers? Something that has the love emotion, something about the hearts meeting, something about them falling apart. ‘My Heart Will Go On’, the love theme from Titanic, has won an Oscar for Best Song From A Film, and slews of Grammys for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, Record Of The Year, Song Of The Year, and Best Song Specifically for a Motion Picture or Television, and a Global Gold Award for Best Original Song – Motion Picture, to name a few prominent ones. Melodyful has come up with a compilation of song titles with the word ‘heart’ to soothe your soul. If you’ve just fallen in love, or met with a heartbreak, music can make you fall deeper, and it can as well heal your broken heart. What comes to your mind when you think of the word ‘heart’? Ah, now that sounded ironic.
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